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By Al Batt
My wife had made sure I had a little spending money in my pocket and that there was enough gas in my pickup. I had been working out on the Nordic Track--3 hours a day for 8 months in preparation. While I exercised, I listened to tapes of the world's greatest philosophers and thinkers. She had prepared me both mentally and physically for the task ahead. She was sending me to one of our fine supermarkets. I don't usually go shopping. I shop when my wife takes me shopping. I have been known to go years without saying, "I'm going shopping."
I drove to the store, while listening to motivational tapes in my pickup. I entered the store striding the earth like a Colossus. I saw a huge room filled with bright displays, countless shoppers and many dangerous, high speed shopping carts. Intercoms blared as people rushed by in a helter-skelter fashion. I tried not to show fear, but the flop sweat gathering on my upper lip gave me away. People that work in stores can sense fear. I sighed a lot. I saw a number of kids crying. I joined them.
Welcome to the wonderful world of shopping!
They know me in this store. They affectionately refer to me as, "Clean Up In Aisle Eight." My wife had given me a shopping list, but I lost it somewhere between the
Speaking of shopping carts, there needs to be an operator's license issued to people pushing these things. This license would require the completion of behind the cart training and an eye exam. It would save a lot of wear and tear on my shins. There should be stop signs placed at each one of those currently uncontrolled intersections in stores. Why there are not more deaths caused by shopping cart accidents is beyond me.
And another thing--the stores all play music--music to shop by. They should play marches, so we would all march right in, buy our stuff and march right out. One of the things I was supposed to get was the biggest turkey I could find. My wife had sent the biggest turkey she could find to find the biggest turkey he could find. I checked over a bunch of the frozen fowl, but couldn't find any big enough. I asked one of the store's employees, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" "No, sir," he replied. "They are all dead."
I survived my shopping experience--a better, but more nervous man for the ordeal. I came home with a few extra items. You can never have too much food. Somebody famous said that... I think it was John Candy. I almost bought some pork rinds. I've never tried the things. They look disgusting, so they are probably very good. I searched for Krispy Kremes, a cruller good enough to be a member of HOLE--the Honorable Order of Leavened Edibles. Remember that the doughnut hole is nothing more than a breakfast chad. My wife inspected my purchases. She discovered that I had forgotten the turkey, but I had come home with 24 slabs of beef jerky, 14 different kinds of tea, 5 pounds of cinnamon bears, two dozen fried rolls, a box of White Castle hamburgers, 33 oranges, an industrial-sized bag of Raisin Bran, 6 cans of Spam, 4 cans of chili, 10 cans of vegetable beef soup and 49 little things of yogurt too many. For some unknown reason, my wife had neglected to put these on my list. Or at least I think she had forgotten--after all, I had lost the list.
"You bought all of this?" asked my lovely bride.
"Yes," I replied. "But you should see all the stuff I left in the store."
Al Batt, ©2001
Send Al an e-mail and let him know what you thought of his story!
Al lives on a farm in
Creation Q & A
Q: Why don't many of today's pastors speak with authority?
Jesus is the Word, and he spoke with the authority of the Word. Remember when he was tempted by the devil? Each time he replied, "It is written." When he was asked about marriage in Matthew 19, he said, "Have you not read?"
Because we also have the Word of God, we can speak with the same authority. But most Christian leaders have compromised with Genesis, and therefore don't really have a foundation for their doctrine. They can't preach with this same authority.
Many pastors have acknowledged that because of the influence of evolutionary ideas, they have been unsure about the truths of God's Word.
When Christian leaders believe in the Bible from its very first verse, they will preach with power and authority.
Click on the Bible above or visit the web site listed below! This new addition to our web site will give you an article on the leading news in the Creation/Evolution controversy each day.
This section also includes a rotating Question and Answer feature and a weekly Creation Comic strip from the people at AnswersInGenesis.org
Be sure to come back and visit each day for an informative article that will help you keep up to date on the latest news in this controversial area!
Thought For The Day
"Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the only thing." --Albert Schweitzer
Verse for the Day
"Christ suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in his steps."--1Peter 2:21
Kid's Thought For The Day
"You can't always be first."
Parent's Thought For The Day
"We have been so anxious to give our children what we didn't have that we have neglected to give them what we did have."
Coach's Thought For The Day
"Those at the top of the mountain didn't fall there."--Marcus Washling
Writer's Thought For The Day
"There was a wonderful writer -- it might have been Dashiell Hammett -- who said: I don't know what's around the corner. Why should my characters? That's where the surprise comes, and that's what makes it really fun to do." --Allan Folsom
Deep Thought For The Day
"Somebody told me how frightening it was how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around the campfire and nobody got scared."
Inspired Audio is a brand new offshoot of HeartTouchers.com. Every week we will offer a different audio message that you can listen to right on your comput as you are surfing the net or just getting things done around the house. Be sure to come back and visit each week!
Over 110,000 people have listened to popular Chicken Soup Author Michael T. Powers' free inspirational message entitled: "Breathing Life into Others". If you aren't one of them just visit: http://www.HeartTouchers.com and click on the link to listen to the free streaming audio message!
"I just wanted to take a minute to thank you for the beautiful video you made for me! It was so special to see both of my parents in tears as they watched their children grow up in pictures before their eyes! I loved the way you made Estania's part set aside from the rest--that was the part that really got them! The music was beautiful. My mom kept blubbering, "What song is that?" I don't know how you did such a beautiful job with the video in such a short time. I really appreciate your doing it so quickly. You have a wonderful gift, and I thank God that you are using it to create such sentimental memories. I hope that I can find my niche like that in an area that I love. Your video gave us one of our most lasting Christmas memories! I hope yours was filled with moments to be treasured forever!"
Let me make you a video from your photos!
Do you feel as if life has no meaning for you?