Heart Touchers - teen110303

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{Heart4Teens.com} *All the Ways He Loved Me*

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Author MICHAEL T. POWERS
www.Heart4Teens.com

Contributing Author to Chicken Soup for the Teen's Soul on Love and Friendship and 18 other inspirational books.

"I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." Galatians 2:20

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All the Ways He Loved Me

(From the Taste Berries for Teens book series co-authored by Bettie B. Youngs and Jennifer Leigh Youngs)

Life for me was normal until April 24, 1999, the day my father killed himself.

It's important to me to know that Dad didn't kill himself; the disease of alcoholism and depression is what killed him. Even with an emphasis on this distinction, his death-and life without him-my life will never be the same.

Let me first tell you a little about the bright side of my father, a man I loved so much. Dad loved his family and was proud to use the words, "My wife and kids" I am absolutely positive that he loved me, and I'm sure my brothers and sisters would say the same. He had many friends. And, he was a very successful businessman. Then, there was that dark side of him, one that felt despondent and hopeless to the point that he used alcohol to drown them out. He drowned himself in the process.

When my father died, my first reaction was relief. I know that sounds shocking, but when you live with an alcoholic, life becomes centered on that person's dysfunction-and the stream of stress it creates. It's a relief, a feeling of freedom, to get out from under the blanket of pain and chaos. I remember when, in the first moments I heard the news that my father was dead, there was an immediate knowing that now our family would no longer be imprisoned by the constant worry about Dad's whereabouts-and worrying whether or not he was alive. As for me personally, now I wouldn't have to experience yet another drinking binge of his, nor worry about when one would occur, or witness and endure his embarrassing behavior in public.

But this sense of relief lasted only for a few moments, when I realized that I'd never see my father again. Never. Not ever. He'd never say, "I love you," again. And I could never tell him to his face that I loved him. Suddenly there was a deep sadness that my dad would never, ever:

* Smile at me
* Give me a hug
* Kiss my cheek
* Help me with homework
* Sit in the bleachers at my sport games * Gas up my car (for free) as he always did! * Take pictures my date and me or ask me if I needed a clean shirt to wear * See me graduate from high school-or college * Attend my wedding, * Be a grandpa to my children * Be my friend-for life.

With these realizations a deep sadness set in, knowing how much I'd miss him, and he'd be missed, forever. And I felt sorry myself, and for my mom and brothers, Dad's parents, and everyone who loved him.

Next came a boiling anger. Wanting to know "Why did he do this?" filled my head with the fury of a steaming locomotive. When I wasn't centering this question on the disease that he suffered from, I blamed Dad for abandoning his family, and in particular, me (and at a time in my life when I needed him). My father had made a decision, and I thought it a selfish one. But he "couldn't fix what ailed him"--or at least that's what one of his good friends said at the memorial service.

"The heart heals faster from surgery than it does from the loss of a loved one" a friend of his told me at the memorial service. I could relate: My heart had just undergone emotional triple bypass surgery--without anesthesia. How would I ever heal? My first attempt was to put on a strong face, even if my insides were as wobbly as Jell-O. I began the facade the day following the funeral: I'd get up, shower, go to school, and after school, go to baseball practice or hang out with my friends, as usual. Why let my father's inability to handle life stop me from mine? Besides, his death was a thing of the past, now, and I was going forward.

The strategy pretty much worked-except for the fact that my heart wanted nothing more than to withdraw from the world and do nothing but cry. None of my friends could relate to what I was going through. How could they; they're father's were alive. I'm sure some of them thought I was even better off; (they had experienced on many occasions my dad's drunkenness).

Then came another wave of self-pity: Life had been unfair to me! And why me? He was the alcoholic! I had been a good son. Why would he want to leave me, and miss out being with me? And why should I get strapped with life without a Dad; all my friends had Dads. And judging from all the guilt I went through every minute of every day-not to mention the sleepless nights--why should I be suddenly saddled with problems and concerns that none of my friends had to even think about, let alone be the one with the stigma of "the kid whose father committed suicide"?

This was followed by yet another stage of anger, one that collapsed into tears and realization: My Dad's gone-no matter what else--Daddy's gone! I cried myself to sleep and awoke knowing that on April 24, 1999, whether I was ready or not, my life was changed. I had to deal with not having a father and the sad circumstances surrounding his death. I had to deal with myself, the pain his death caused me. I had to deal with thinking about my future, without my father in it. I've had to deal with a broken heart and put it back together again. I had to take complete responsibility for everything I do and make tough decision on my own would normally wouldn't have been mine to make until later in life.

I'm doing these things. My father's death totally crushed me, but with the help of my mom, friends, and faith, I'm rebuilding my life. My family and I have all been so loving and kind to each other, and that's been helpful. And working with counselors and attending Youth Group has allowed me to freely talk about my feelings. It helped me let go of the anger and be able to forgive myself for feeling anger toward my father, and to forgive him for the fathering I hadn't received from him (including his not being there in my future). I've forgiven him for abandoning me.

It's been a lot. Like I said, it's been something that's changed my life.

-Kyle Ross, 18

(From the Taste Berries for Teens book series co-authored by Bettie B. Youngs and Jennifer Leigh Youngs)

Bettie B. Youngs
bettie@tasteberriesforteens.com

E-mail Bettie and let her know what you thought of today's story!
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Bettie B. Youngs, Ph.D., Ed.D. is a former teacher of the year, former university professor and the author of 21 books. With her daughter Jennifer Leigh Youngs she has co-authored the best-selling Taste Berries for Teens series. Bettie has appeared frequently on CNN, NBC Nightly News, and Oprah. Jennifer is a speaker and workshop presenter for teens nationwide.

Be sure to visit their website at: http://www.tasteberriesforteens.com

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Let's Go Surfing Dude!

Are You Dealing with the Death of a Family Member or Friend? -- Have you had to face the death of a family member or friend recently? Click on the link below for some answers to the questions you may have! http://www.heart4teens.com/death

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Thought For The Day:

"An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support."--John Buchan

Verse for the Day:

"The fool has said in his heart, there is no God." --Psalm 53:1

Teen's Thought For The day:

"If your Dad is still asking you, a teenager, to pull his finger, then you got a cool dad!"

Parent's Thought For The Day

"God sends children for another purpose than merely to keep up the race - to enlarge our hearts, to make us unselfish, and full of kindly sympathies and affection."

Coach's Thought For The Day

"The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places." --Ernest Hemmingway

Deep Thought For The Day:

"Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist should have his head examined."

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ALL-STAR Ministry

--The Youth Church of Faith Community Church in Janesville, WI

If you are in 6-12th grade and live in the southern Wisconsin/northern Illinois area and would like to check us out, we meet every Sunday night from 6:00-8:30 PM at Faith Community Church which is located at 2931 Lucerene Dr. in Janesville, WI. (About 3 blocks south-east of The Skating Place.)

Currently we have students from Fort Atkinson, Milton, Janesville Craig, Janesville Parker, Marshall, Orfordville, Clinton, Beloit Memorial, Beloit Turner, South Beloit, and Hononegah. E-mail me back if you have any questions about our weekly meetings or would like to come to any of our events that are listed below... We have way too much fun and then, most importantly, talk about issues that are relevant to you as a teenager.

THIS WEEK:

The Outlet: 11/5 -- We start a brand new series called "Life Together." All-Stars: 11/9 -- Small People Big Things

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UPCOMING EVENTS:

Janesville Pregnancy Helpline Presents: " Dear Dairy " An intense drama in 2 acts.

" Dear Diary " focuses on the issues of teenage sexual activity and and what happens when one teenage girl compromises her standards. Content of " Dear Dairy " is best suited to 10 year olds and older. Nathan Fry of the band Hope's Anchor ( formerly with Anavox ) will be performing his song " Pretty " as well.

Tickets: Are available at the door $8 adults $5 students When : Thursday - Saturday Nov. 6,7,8 Time: 8pm Where: Historic Lovejoy Manor which is the Ekklasia Foundation Building and formerly the YWCA 220 St. Lawrence Ave. Janesville, Wisconsin. Parking: Is available on residential streets and also behind the building there is a parking lot. Please use the south entrance off Division St.

All proceeds will benefit Pregnancy Helpline, which is a non-profit, charitable abortion alternative whose mission is to help women and their families who may be experiencing challenges with pregnancy.

This is a wonderful play for youth leaders to invite their teens to and moms and dads of teenagers!!

Any questions or concerns may be emailed to me at nortfroggirl @juno.com or call 752-9092 or 290-5450

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Team I-Themba

Where: Faith Community Church
When: Sunday November 30th at 7 PM. (Free admission!)

"Ithemba" is a Zulu word which means "Hope". They bring a message of hope and reconciliation through music, dance and drama. Appearing in many schools, colleges, and chruches across the United States the Team seeks to inspire audience members to raise money for a program in South Africa, which works with street children. Many of those children are living on the street because of the recent fall of the apartheid system in South Africa, and the HIV/ Aids epidemic, which currently affects all of southern Africa.

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Upcoming Topics:

11/16 -- "Let Your Conscience Be Your Guide"

11/23 -- "OK Johnny, What Do You Say?

11/30 -- Team Ithemba will be performing at 7 PM.

12/7 -- "Never Fails"

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All-Stars has extended its time to 6:00 - 8:30 PM on Sunday nights. 6:00 - 6:30 will be time for the youth to chat and discuss anything they want with the youth leaders or each other. 6:30 - 7:00 PM will be for games or fun activities and then 7:00 - 8:30 PM will be for the lesson and discussion time. Students are still welcome to "hang out" after 8:30 PM if they want, as the leaders are usually at the church until at least 10:00 PM, and some nights even later. (For the past couple of months the students have continually complained that we are running out of time before we get to really discuss the topics in full and asked if we could have longer teaching times... I know, most of you are probably now getting back up off the floor from the shock. have been most encouraged that the teens have been wanting to stay longer to be able to discuss the lessons more fully.)

The Outlet: "Get plugged into Jesus Christ!" (Teen Cell Groups)

Wednesday night community groups for teens. The groups are limited to no more than ten teens and will be originally split into Jr. High and High School ages. This night is for those teens who want to dig deeper than what we do in All-Stars, but may not be ready to be a part of the Extreme Teens. These cell groups will also be doing special activities with each other as the year goes on to build community.

Extreme Teens" (formerly the Core Group) meets from 5:00 - 6:00 PM at the church. This group is very extensive with weekly homework, memorization, service projects, etc. Students interested in this group will have to fill out an application, provide references as to why others think they should be involved with this, and sign an agreement as to what is expected of them. (If your teen will also be attending All-Stars that night, they are encouraged to bring a sack lunch or snack to tide them over until 8:30.)

We are very excited at what God is doing with our youth!

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Reading Books, Changing Lives!

For those of you who love to read or love to give out books as gifts...

You can now order a number of different autographed best-selling inspirational books for the same price you would get them in the store, the shipping to you is paid for, and you are helping change the lives of teenagers and those they come in contact with! And best of all, every penny from the book sales are going to youth ministry!

If you love to read inspirational stories, these books are most likely those you will eventually buy anyway. And how cool would it be to be able to buy books like those in the Chicken Soup series for your friends and family with a personalized autographed message by one of the contributing authors! How's that for a unique gift! Not only are you changing lives through supporting a youth ministry, but every book included on our website has the power to make a difference in the lives of those you give the books to. Check out this link to find out more!

http://www.HeartTouchers.com/books