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{Heart4Teens.com} *The 8 Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter* ______________________________________ If you enjoy this free email service, I encourage you to spread the word to family and friends that we may bring inspiration into the lives of teenagers everywhere! If you are not on the list and this has been passed along to you, you can join Heart4Teen.com readers around the world by sending a blank e-mail to: Heart4Teens-subscribe@myinjesus.com or visit: http://www.Heart4Teens.com Visit our inspirational web site to read all the past articles in our archives and view the tons of resources we have there for teens! http://www.Heart4Teens.com/Teen_Stories ____________________________________________ Be sure to check out our other inspirational email list and web site! http://www.HeartTouchers.com To subscribe send a blank email to: HeartTouchers-subscribe@myinjesus.com _________________________________________ Good morning Heart4Teens.com readers! I thought it was time to laugh again so I am sharing a story that should start your week off with a smile... especially if you are a teenager or have a teenage son or daughter. Bruce Cameron wrote this article in 1998 and it grew into a book and then a hit TV show by the same name which airs on ABC... From my family to yours, Michael _________________________________________ The 8 Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter by W. Bruce Cameron, Copyright 1998 http://www.wbrucecameron.com When I was in high school I used to be terrified of my girlfriend's father, who I believe suspected me of wanting to place my hands on his daughter. He would open the door and immediately affect a good-naturedly murderous expression, holding out a handshake that, when gripped, felt like it could squeeze carbon into diamonds. Now, years later, it is my turn to be the dad. Remembering how unfairly persecuted I felt when I would pick up my dates, I do my best to make my daughter's suitors feel even worse. My motto: wilt them in the living room and they'll stay wilted all night. "So," I'll call out jovially. "I see you have your nose pierced. Is that because you're stupid, or did you merely want to APPEAR stupid?" As a dad, I have some basic rules, which I have carved into two stone tablets that I have on display in my living room. Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure as heck not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them. Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, In order to assure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric staple gun and fasten your trousers securely in place around your waist. Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I WILL kill you. Rule Five: In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early." Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make YOU cry. Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process which can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car? Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places lacking parents, policemen, or nuns. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her chin. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay. Hockey games are okay. My daughter claims it embarrasses her to come downstairs and find me attempting to get her date to recite these eight simple rules from memory. I'd be embarrassed too--there are only eight of them, for crying out loud! And, for the record, I did NOT suggest to one of these cretins that I'd have these rules tattooed on his arm if he couldn't remember them. (I checked into it and the cost is prohibitive.) I merely told him that I thought writing the rules on his arm with a ball point might be inadequate--ink washes off--and that my wood burning set was probably a better alternative. One time, when my wife caught me having one of my daughter's would-be suitors practice pulling into the driveway, get out of the car, and go up to knock on the front door (he had violated rule number one, so I figured he needed to run through the drill a few dozen times) she asked me why I was being so hard on the boy. "Don't you remember being that age?" she challenged. Of course I remember. Why do you think I came up with the eight simple rules? Bruce Cameron bruce@wbrucecameron.com Write Bruce and let him know your thoughts on his story! Despite his claims to the contrary, W. Bruce is neither a member of Mensa nor a Nobel Prize winner. In fact, he has never won any awards or special recognition of any kind, though he is pleased to announce that he was recently named a finalist in the Publisher's Clearing House Sweepstakes. After 15 years working for a small company called General Motors,W. Bruce went on to found and destroy a number of small start-ups. If a pilot can be judged by the number of crashes he has survived, W. Bruce is an Ace. He is married with three children, all of whom are teenagers. He can't explain how any of this happened. Meanwhile, and through it all, he has been writing. In 1995 he started his on-line internet column, using "viral marketing," which is as unpleasant as it sounds. In April 1999 he became the humor columnist for the Denver Rocky Mountain News, and his first book was released in June 2001. To purchase his book or join his email list visit his web site at: http://www.wbrucecameron.com _________________________________________ Thought For The Day: "Pray as if everything depended on God, and work as if everything depended on man." --Francis Spellman Verse for the Day: "...faith without works is dead." --James 2:26 Teen's Thought For The Day: "A teen never discloses his own character so clearly as when he describes another's." Parent's Thought For The Day "I was doing the family grocery shopping accompanied by two children, an event I hope to see included in the Olympics in the near future." --Anna Quindlen Coach's Thought For The Day "There is no substitute for hard work and effor beyond the call of duty. That is what strengthens the soul and enobles one's character." --Walter Camp Deep Thought For The Day: "I tried lifting weights, but they were too heavy." __________________________________________ Author MICHAEL T. POWERS www.Heart4Teens.com Contributing Author to Chicken Soup for the Teen's Soul on Love and Friendship and 18 other inspirational books. "I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." Galatians 2:20 _________________________________________ ALL-STAR Ministry --The Youth Church of Faith Community Church in Janesville, WI If you are in 6-12th grade and live in the southern Wisconsin/northern Illinois area and would like to check us out, we meet every Sunday night from 6:30-8:30 PM at Faith Community Church which is located at 2931 Lucerne Dr. in Janesville, WI. (About 3 blocks south-east of The Skating Place.) Currently we have students from Fort Atkinson, Milton, Janesville Craig, Janesville Parker, Marshall, Orfordville, Clinton, Beloit Memorial, Beloit Turner, South Beloit, and Hononegah. E-mail me back if you have any questions about our weekly meetings or would like to come to any of our events that are listed below... We have way too much fun and then, most importantly, talk about issues that are relevant to you as a teenager. THIS WEEK: All-Stars: God-Sized Love _______________________________________________ UPCOMING EVENTS: Saturday May 8: Trip to the Fireside Theatre in Fort Atkinson for dinner and a musical! See Tedi Knox for details! Monday May 17: 7:00-8:15 PM Rock TV hosted by Faith Community Church! Wednesday July 7: Trip to Great America! Saturday July 24: Canoe Trip down the Sugar River (Guys only) September 18-20: Youth Fall Retreat at Phantom Ranch! October 29-30: Mall of America Trip! (Ladies only) ________________________________________________ All-Stars has extended its time to 6:00 - 8:30 PM on Sunday nights. 6:00 - 6:30 will be time for the youth to chat and discuss anything they want with the youth leaders or each other. 6:30 - 7:00 PM will be for games or fun activities and then 7:00 - 8:30 PM will be for the lesson and discussion time. Students are still welcome to "hang out" after 8:30 PM if they want, as the leaders are usually at the church until at least 10:00 PM, and some nights even later. (For the past couple of months the students have continually complained that we are running out of time before we get to really discuss the topics in full and asked if we could have longer teaching times... I know, most of you are probably now getting back up off the floor from the shock. have been most encouraged that the teens have been wanting to stay longer to be able to discuss the lessons more fully.) The Outlet: "Get plugged into Jesus Christ!" (Teen Cell Groups) Wednesday night community groups for teens. The groups are limited to no more than ten teens and will be originally split into Jr. High and High School ages. This night is for those teens who want to dig deeper than what we do in All-Stars, but may not be ready to be a part of the Extreme Teens. These cell groups will also be doing special activities with each other as the year goes on to build community. Extreme Teens" (formerly the Core Group) meets from 5:00 - 6:00 PM at the church. This group is very extensive with weekly homework, memorization, service projects, etc. Students interested in this group will have to fill out an application, provide references as to why others think they should be involved with this, and sign an agreement as to what is expected of them. (If your teen will also be attending All-Stars that night, they are encouraged to bring a sack lunch or snack to tide them over until 8:30.) We are very excited at what God is doing with our youth! _______________________________________________ Reading Books, Changing Lives! For those of you who love to read or love to give out books as gifts... You can now order a number of different autographed best-selling inspirational books for the same price you would get them in the store, the shipping to you is paid for, and you are helping change the lives of teenagers and those they come in contact with! If you love to read inspirational stories, these books are most likely those you will eventually buy anyway. And how cool would it be to be able to buy books like those in the Chicken Soup series for your friends and family with a personalized autographed message by one of the contributing authors! How's that for a unique gift! Check out this link to find out more! http://www.HeartTouchers.com/books |
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Touching Lives - One E-mail at a Time! Author Michael T. Powers - HeartTouchers @ aol.com
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